Messy characters make for great stories. I’m starting a series with some character profiles that you can use to build and breathe life into your flawed creation. This post may also be a wake up call if you actually have one of these people in your life. So here is some info on writing narcissistic characters.
There’s a lot of talk about narcissists, so let’s start this first in the series with something popular…and let’s be real, something fun for your antagonist. So, here’s our character profile: classic narcissist, also known as the grandiose narcissist.
Next in series: Vulnerable Narcissist | Borderline Personality | Histrionic Personality
Grandiose Narcissistic Traits
- Charming
- Outgoing
- Successful
- Confident
- Bold
- Charismatic
- Lacks empathy
- Selfish
- Game-playing
- Manipulative
- Projects
- Hot and cold
We can all spot those charming, attention-seeking extroverts whose vanity and boldness are at times obnoxious and shameless. They’re self-absorbed, entitled, callous, exploitative, authoritarian, and aggressive. Some are physically abusive. These unempathetic, arrogant narcissists think highly of themselves but spare no disdain for others. Helped by their extroversion, they report high self-esteem and satisfaction with their lives, despite the pain they cause others.
Because they outwardly seek acclaim, attention, and domination, grandiose narcissism is externalized. Even in love, they seek power by game-playing. Many do maintain relationships, notwithstanding the lack of intimacy and the unhappiness of their partners, who are easily seduced by their charisma and boldness. (Psychology Today)
Ways Narcissists Act
Your character needs to appear normal. It’s usually a shock when you find out that someone truly is a narcissist. Remember it is a spectrum and everyone does narcissistic things. They aren’t necessarily evil, but they tend to hurt those around them if they are too far on that spectrum. Of course, the evil ones are the most fun to write about.
Note: They have woo. What does that mean? They can woo you and make you feel like no one else on the planet matters. The scary thing is, they are so good at wearing masks, that no one else may see that they are a narcissist. This makes it more difficult to break away from the addictive cycle of the relationship. And, others may inadvertently make you doubt yourself when you bring up your negative feelings because they have bought into the mask.
Have Your Character…
- Base everything on their ego
- Love bomb their partner
- Pull close and then push away
- Be emotionally unavailable with glimpses of real emotion
- Lie, lie, lie
- Use the truth to lie (see video below)
- Be prone to cheating
- Lack morals and values
- Be critical of others
- Give demands that increase as relationship progresses
- Show healthy love then put their partner down
- Need excessive admiration
- Feel entitled to what they want
- Exploit people and use them as tools
- Be envious of others -or- thinks others are envious of them
- Only see how people react/relate to them and not others
- Have contempt for those with more money or power
- Think status is important
- Give intermittent praise to encourage the partner to do more
- Say they are a good person and present “proof”
- Provoke fights then want “make up sex”
- Admit to serious shortcomings, commitment issues, infidelity, criminality, addiction, or abuse
Manipulation Tactics
There is a fabulous list of the most popular tactics of a good manipulator in the book In Sheep’s Clothing by Dr. George Simon PH.D. This book is a treasure trove for writers.
It is important to remember that when people display these behaviors, they are at that very moment fighting. They are fighting against the values or standards of conduct they know others want them to adopt or internalize. They are also fighting to overcome resistance in others and to have their way. Covert-aggressive individuals are especially adept at using these tactics to conceal their aggressive intentions while simultaneously throwing their opponents on the defensive.
When people are on the defensive, their thoughts tend to become more confused, they tend to engage in more self-doubt, and they feel the urge to retreat. Using these tactics increases the chances manipulators will get their way and gain advantage over their victims. Sometimes, a tactic is used in isolation. More often, however, a skilled manipulator will throw so many of them at you at once that you might not really realize how badly you’ve been manipulated until it’s too late. —In Sheep’s Clothing by Dr. George Simon PH.D.
- Minimization
- Lying (even when the truth would suffice)
- Lies of omission (also being deliberately vague)
- Denial
- Deflection
- Gaslighting
- Selective attention
- Selective inattention
- Rationalization
- Diversion (i.e. Distort one detail and make it the problem )
- Evasion
- Covert intimidation (threats to keep others anxious)
- Guilt-tripping
- Shaming
- Playing the victim
- Vilifying the victim
- Playing the servant (guise of nobility)
- Seduction
- Projecting the blame
- Feigning innocence
- Feigning ignorance
- Feigning confusion
- Brandishing anger
Use these tactics when building arguments and deception into your character.
Examples in Television & Film
Michael Scott (Steve Carell, The Office US) is a not evil but is a narcissist. He makes everything about him, inflated sense of self-worth, believes he is the life of the party, inserts himself as the center of attention, doesn’t recognize accomplishments of others (unless pointed out), tries to prove worth, brags about self, and so on.
Tom Ripley (Matt Damon, The Talented Mr, Ripley) is obsessed with status, is a chameleon to get what he wants, twisted view of love, takes desperate measures to attain his desires, does not care who he hurts to get what he wants, etc.
Regina George (Rachel McAdams, Mean Girls) sees herself as queen, ruthless to stay on top, needs to control everything and everyone, must have the focus on her, no empathy for others, people are tools to be used, doesn’t take responsibility for actions, uses multiple types of manipulation, etc.
Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship
When writing narcissistic characters, the relationship itself tends to go in this cycle.
- Tension Building
- Fight or Incident
- Reconciliation
- Calm
- REPEAT
Additionally, narcissists tend to do this cycle:
- Idealize partner and draw them in
- Devalue partner and break them down
- REPEAT
Read more on the Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship on Simply Psychology
Check out my article on Vulnerable Narcissists here.
Narcissists Use the Truth to Lie
Watch this to see ways they do it.
How the Recipient Feels
Writing narcissistic characters is fun, but don’t forget to develop how the target of the narcissism feels. Here are some tips:
- Needs aren’t met because it’s all about them
- Gut feeling something is off (but doesn’t want to admit it)
- He/she doesn’t act like same when with the partner
- Don’t grow together as a couple, everything is haphazard
- Only one making an effort
- Constant drama
- Unable to leave the relationship
- Isolated from friends
- Pit them against others
- Made to feel they are never good enough
- Payback for defiance
- Told others are out to get them
- Receive the silent treatment
- When needs are met it’s with silence
- Tears are met with unempathetic reactions
Narcissists LOVE to be with codependents.
Brain Damage? What?
Being in a relationship with a narcissist changes your brain and even if you logically know you need out, there are lingering physical effects. Yes, you can recover. Watch this short video.
Read more on this: 7 Surefire Signs You Are in a Narcissistic Relationship, Dating? Recognize the Very Early Signs of Narcissism, Red Flags and Blind Spots in Dating a Narcissist, When a Narcissist Sees You Cry How Does He React?,
Here’s a little humor about dating after a narcissist. Kinda funny, not funny to be real.
If you are reading this and you are starting to wonder if you are in a narcissistic relationship, please seek the help of a professional. You can find out more about therapy and find a therapist through Psychology Today here. This article is not intended to give medical advice.
Cluster B Personality Disorder
Here’s a chart with the other personality disorders in this cluster.
More Resources
“Narcissistic Relationships” PsychCentral
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