Writing Characters: The Classic Narcissist

rwoodsfiction

1 year ago

Messy characters make for great stories. I’m starting a series with some character profiles that you can use to build and breathe life into your flawed creation. This post may also be a wake up call if you actually have one of these people in your life. So here is some info on writing narcissistic characters.

There’s a lot of talk about narcissists, so let’s start this first in the series with something popular…and let’s be real, something fun for your antagonist. So, here’s our character profile: classic narcissist, also known as the grandiose narcissist.

Next in series: Vulnerable Narcissist | Borderline Personality | Histrionic Personality

narcissist

Grandiose Narcissistic Traits

Charming
Outgoing
Successful
Confident
Bold
Charismatic

Lacks empathy
Selfish
Game-playing
Manipulative
Projects
Hot and cold

We can all spot those charming, attention-seeking extroverts whose vanity and boldness are at times obnoxious and shameless. They’re self-absorbed, entitled, callous, exploitative, authoritarian, and aggressive. Some are physically abusive. These unempathetic, arrogant narcissists think highly of themselves but spare no disdain for others. Helped by their extroversion, they report high self-esteem and satisfaction with their lives, despite the pain they cause others.

Because they outwardly seek acclaim, attention, and domination, grandiose narcissism is externalized. Even in love, they seek power by game-playing. Many do maintain relationships, notwithstanding the lack of intimacy and the unhappiness of their partners, who are easily seduced by their charisma and boldness. (Psychology Today)

Ways Narcissists Act

Your character needs to appear normal. It’s usually a shock when you find out that someone truly is a narcissist. Remember it is a spectrum and everyone does narcissistic things. They aren’t necessarily evil, but they tend to hurt those around them if they are too far on that spectrum. Of course, the evil ones are the most fun to write about.

Note: They have woo. What does that mean? They can woo you and make you feel like no one else on the planet matters. The scary thing is, they are so good at wearing masks, that no one else may see that they are a narcissist. This makes it more difficult to break away from the addictive cycle of the relationship. And, others may inadvertently make you doubt yourself when you bring up your negative feelings because they have bought into the mask.

Have Your Character…

Base everything on their ego
Love bomb their partner
Pull close and then push away
Be emotionally unavailable with glimpses of real emotion
Lie, lie, lie
Use the truth to lie (see video below)
Be prone to cheating
Lack morals and values
Be critical of others
Give demands that increase as relationship progresses
Show healthy love then put their partner down
Need excessive admiration
Feel entitled to what they want
Exploit people and use them as tools
Be envious of others -or- thinks others are envious of them
Only see how people react/relate to them and not others
Have contempt for those with more money or power
Think status is important
Give intermittent praise to encourage the partner to do more
Say they are a good person and present “proof”
Provoke fights then want “make up sex”
Admit to serious shortcomings, commitment issues, infidelity, criminality, addiction, or abuse

not me its you

Manipulation Tactics

There is a fabulous list of the most popular tactics of a good manipulator in the book In Sheep’s Clothing by Dr. George Simon PH.D. This book is a treasure trove for writers.

It is important to remember that when people display these behaviors, they are at that very moment fighting. They are fighting against the values or standards of conduct they know others want them to adopt or internalize. They are also fighting to overcome resistance in others and to have their way. Covert-aggressive individuals are especially adept at using these tactics to conceal their aggressive intentions while simultaneously throwing their opponents on the defensive.

When people are on the defensive, their thoughts tend to become more confused, they tend to engage in more self-doubt, and they feel the urge to retreat. Using these tactics increases the chances manipulators will get their way and gain advantage over their victims. Sometimes, a tactic is used in isolation. More often, however, a skilled manipulator will throw so many of them at you at once that you might not really realize how badly you’ve been manipulated until it’s too late. —In Sheep’s Clothing by Dr. George Simon PH.D.

Minimization
Lying (even when the truth would suffice)
Lies of omission (also being deliberately vague)
Denial
Deflection
Gaslighting
Selective attention
Selective inattention
Rationalization
Diversion (i.e. Distort one detail and make it the problem )
Evasion
Covert intimidation (threats to keep others anxious)
Guilt-tripping
Shaming
Playing the victim
Vilifying the victim
Playing the servant (guise of nobility)
Seduction
Projecting the blame
Feigning innocence
Feigning ignorance
Feigning confusion
Brandishing anger

Use these tactics when building arguments and deception into your character.

michael scott

Examples in Television & Film

Michael Scott (Steve Carell, The Office US) is a not evil but is a narcissist. He makes everything about him, inflated sense of self-worth, believes he is the life of the party, inserts himself as the center of attention, doesn’t recognize accomplishments of others (unless pointed out), tries to prove worth, brags about self, and so on.

Tom Ripley (Matt Damon, The Talented Mr, Ripley) is obsessed with status, is a chameleon to get what he wants, twisted view of love, takes desperate measures to attain his desires, does not care who he hurts to get what he wants, etc.

Regina George (Rachel McAdams, Mean Girls) sees herself as queen, ruthless to stay on top, needs to control everything and everyone, must have the focus on her, no empathy for others, people are tools to be used, doesn’t take responsibility for actions, uses multiple types of manipulation, etc.

Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship

When writing narcissistic characters, the relationship itself tends to go in this cycle.

Tension Building
Fight or Incident
Reconciliation
Calm
REPEAT

Additionally, narcissists tend to do this cycle:

Idealize partner and draw them in
Devalue partner and break them down
REPEAT

Read more on the Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship on Simply Psychology

Check out my article on Vulnerable Narcissists here.

Narcissists Use the Truth to Lie

Watch this to see ways they do it.

How the Recipient Feels

Writing narcissistic characters is fun, but don’t forget to develop how the target of the narcissism feels. Here are some tips:

Needs aren’t met because it’s all about them
Gut feeling something is off (but doesn’t want to admit it)
He/she doesn’t act like same when with the partner
Don’t grow together as a couple, everything is haphazard
Only one making an effort
Constant drama
Unable to leave the relationship
Isolated from friends
Pit them against others
Made to feel they are never good enough
Payback for defiance
Told others are out to get them
Receive the silent treatment
When needs are met it’s with silence
Tears are met with unempathetic reactions

Narcissists LOVE to be with codependents.

Brain Damage? What?

Being in a relationship with a narcissist changes your brain and even if you logically know you need out, there are lingering physical effects. Yes, you can recover. Watch this short video.

Here’s a little humor about dating after a narcissist. Kinda funny, not funny to be real.

If you are reading this and you are starting to wonder if you are in a narcissistic relationship, please seek the help of a professional. You can find out more about therapy and find a therapist through Psychology Today here. This article is not intended to give medical advice.